"She pulled a fast one on us. I feel so privileged to speak, but I’m also pissed off."

"I loved working with Meryl Streep. First I worked with
her on Silkwood. Alice Arlen and I did a script for her. Meryl did
Karen Silkwood, and the Polish person, and the Danish person,
blah-blah-blah. But the true stretch, if I do say so, was playing
me in Heartburn. I highly recommend having Meryl Streep play you.
If your husband is cheating on you with a carhop, get Meryl to play
you. You will feel much better. If you get rear-ended in a parking
lot, have Meryl play you. If the dingo eats your baby, call Meryl.
She plays all of us better than we play ourselves, although its a
little depressing knowing that if you went to audition to play
yourself, you will lose out to her. Some days, when Im having a
hard day, Id call up Meryl and shell come and shell step in for
me. Shes so good, people dont really notice. I call her at the
end of the day and find out how I did, and inevitably its one of
the best days Ive ever had. You have no idea how much work goes
into being as good as Meryl is, or for making it look as effortless
as she makes it look. But I do, because one night, while we were
making Heartburn, I went into her trailer. She wasnt expecting me.
She wasnt in costume. And she wasnt wearing makeup. She turned
out to be a 63-year-old Asian woman named Chipack. So Chipack,
tonight we honor you."